Remember this: Most things that work are counter-intuitive.
As far a validation. Practice with your kids. Make your goal in life to validate your kids feelings. Listen to them and reflect back how they feel with your words.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
