I find it hard to detach sometimes because I always fall back into thinking what should have been: I should be happily married, laughing with W, had a good honeymoon, new family, new life. But here I am. Having only felt only five days of blissful married life and then everything broke down. It is what it is, I suppose.
I brought the both of us to an IC earlier on in my sitch (Dec 2019). We had two sessions, then we haven't gone since. I did mention to her earlier this month to go see the IC again and gave her the freedom to set up an appointment whenever she wants. She needs it more than I do since she said she have "problems" and felt "broken". She expressed her willingness to go at the time.
It's been three weeks since then and she hasn't gone to the IC. I am concerned, however I will not press the issue. It's her problem, not mine. I should focus on myself at the moment.
This is hard. But I see some controlling tendencies in this and your other posts. You can have a heart change here. It isn't down to you to 'let' your W see your parents or not: whatever the state of your marriage, or otherwise, she has total freedom there, as do your parents.
Similarly, you might have an opinion on whether she or you need IC more but really, whatever is going on with her is none of your business. Could you use some IC at the moment? Do you have some personal development goals and targets that IC would support you with? If so, then make that appointment. If you don't perhaps detaching and focussing on yourself means coming up with those goals. Who do you want to be? Your wife isn't a child and if she decides IC will support her in her goals, she is as capable as you are of setting that up for yourself. To be a married woman in a mature and adult relationship she needs to be capable of that kind of self reflection and taking of responsibility - you deserve to have a partner like that rather than a child who needs to be 'brought' to counselling. And you can't get her there no matter what you do: all you can do is get out of the way and let life work on her and her do with that as she will.
I realise this is tricky for you as you seem to have good relations with your W's family and they also treat her like a child - perhaps with her co-operation. Perhaps they're going to try to advise her or cure her or pressure her or charm her into doing what they think is best. And perhaps because what they think is best (marriage with you) is also what you want, it is going to be hard for you to detach from them and not collude in their efforts. But for the health of yourself and any future relationship with your W, it is essential you back away from it all and treat her as the adult she is.
