This is a hard time for you, unchien. I can empathise a lot, though our circumstances are different. I am not sure this limbo feeling and the insecurity, anxiety and lonlieness that comes with it ever goes away. What helps me is to realise that when I thought 'right, this is it, this is how my life is going to be' in my marriage's better days, it led to me neglecting my personal development, relying too heavily on others for my emotional well being, neglecting GAL and risk-taking new experiences in my professional and personal life, and generally dying a way a little as a person - which trashed my family life and marriage in all kinds of ways. My H is back in the house, as you know, but I don't think I'll ever feel that deep down secure 'this is it, I don't need to work on things any more' and I won't make the assumptions I made in the past about someone else always being there, and always likely to behave in ways I like, agree with and approve of. Perhaps that speaks to trust issues on my part - perhaps it's just a more adult and grown up way of looking at life - always in flux, always unpredictable, always temporary and in limbo in one way or another. There's a mourning and a loneliness that does go along with that and perhaps it will always be there, and make me wiser and more compassionate, or perhaps it's just growing pains and I will come out of the other side acknowledging the reality of how limbo-like and unpredictable life and other people are, but being able to find something to trust and rest in and feel happy anyway.
