So here's what is happening in my life. As I asked the universe/god/gaia/whatever, for a least a little bit of a new normal, I got it. Much like me asking for him to stop lying about where he's going and what's he's doing. Is it what I want for me, for us, for the girls? NOPE. But at least it's a consistency that helps me keep on course. And it's a predictability for the girls to be able to roll with. 3 weeks now Tuesday, Friday, Saturday are his OW days. Granted he was home a lot last weekend, but I'll count that as a fluke. Monday, Wednesday, Thursday are at home days. Sunday is a grab bag. Monday he messaged me asking about what nights he should take over dinner. And let me in on his week day schedule. An issue with our auto insurance came up yesterday. My daughter text messaged me that he was yelling at customer service at home. I said I'm sure I'll hear about it eventually, assuming it's Tuesday I figured he'd he'd go to the sophomore into junior year prep event at his daughter's school and see OW and talk to me later. He called me immediately after that text exchange to vent and share what was going on, and asked my help with resolving the situation. He went to parent thing at his daughter's school, she is missing a ton of work in one class for no reason. (this is not situation related, this has been her MO since we started dating, solid B kid but just picks a class she feels like failing until the 11th hour almost every year) He called her to yell/discuss/parent. Immediately after hanging up with her he texted me telling me he'll fill me in tomorrow. Then presumable went out with OW. Came home some time after I went to bed. Woke me up at 5:30am to ask if he could take some left overs for lunch.
He contacts me via text or in person every single day for something mundane. He's also figured out if he doesn't ask a question I won't talk so now most texts end in a question. I keep things short and pithy. He sticks to mundane surface things to draw me into conversation. I stick to business if I start the conversation. I end the conversation first as much as possible. KristinG might be right. He might just not be comfortable not talking to me. Which I'm fine with. I've gotten very comfortable not talking to him. It's not always easy I see things: memes, shows, or hear a song I know he'd like but I just put it in my pocket. If there's a later I'll share then. If there's not, oh well.
I know it probably seems super odd for some to see how quickly I've gone from desperate to, crumb catching, to detached. But as I've said this isn't my first rodeo with a less than stellar partner. And honestly it wasn't just that. I had one friend, my therapist, and Steve85 question my sanity and intelligence of standing in this all within a week. But that's exactly what I needed to get where I am. I needed the push back. I needed the "why are you doing this?" I needed the "but how can you possibly?" I needed the "well you are far stronger/more of a push over than I'd ever be." Thrown in my face repeatedly. That psychic I saw said within 2 weeks my truth in this situation would be revealed to me. I would find my direction. She was right. I know my path. And it's holding out hope for this marriage in the end. He clearly still has no idea what he wants or needs. And he may very well move out in April and I'm ready for that. I'm ready to file for legal separation if he does. I've already worked on a list of things I'll be doing around the house and trips if he goes. I'm still checking off boxes on my GAL list. I'm also working on a list of things I'll need from him if we R.
My life isn't ideal. Our marriage as it was is dead. And I'm at a place where I'm ok with that. And I'm ok with status quo for a while. He's still 1 foot in, and that's enough for me to allow him time and space, and to remind myself to protect my heart and my head. It's enough for me to take my own time and space, and find me.
