I had a dream about H last night. I think that was only the 2nd one since he moved out. It disturbed me a bit.
I guess it’s not too surprising, considering recent events. The first part of the dream had H coming into my bed just to spoon me. That is the way we always went to sleep, up the the last night before he moved out. It jumped right from there to a scenario that made me think to myself (in my dream) that he never really changed. He was still selfish, and I was a fool to think things would be different.
Then I woke up.
I have recently expressed thoughts to close friends of looking like a fool to all the people that know my situation if we ever reconciled. They of course say “who cares what people think”. Some say why not divorce. If it's meant to be, you can always remarry, but then you will have all the financials separate. Most people don't get the idea of standing. The ones that do are devout Christians, but not even all my devout Christians get that.
Anyway, I guess gossip and snickers behind my back wouldn’t hurt me. Maybe I don’t really care what people think. I certainly don’t want that feeling to drive any of my decisions.
*sigh* (and that was a big one)
The financial agreement is weighing heavy on my mind too. I want H to know I’m not just sitting around waiting for him to figure his life out. Waiting for him to leave her so he can come back to me. Will the document change anything?
I am provided for. I want for nothing financially. I am getting on with life. I’m not holding back on anything while he does his thing.
I was very clear in an e-mail to H that there is no going from OWs house to my house. That several things had to happen for that to be a consideration. He expressed clear understanding.
Perhaps the best course is getting some basic agreement signed. Get my car in my name, freeze withdrawals on investments (although he hasn’t taken anything so far), legalize alimony, and perhaps ask for more money to help with the house bills if he wants to keep his name on it.
Anyway, he said he was willing to discuss such a document but didn’t really understand why I needed it unless I wanted to finalize it with a divorce. That he is completely letting me live my life, so what would change? He said he would meet with my any time. That he "LIKED" seeing me.
Hmmmm. Does that make me the OW now?
It’s all too weird.
I’ve got some thinking to do.
But rest assured, while I’m doing my thinking, I’m living my great life.
