The focus should have been on rightful anger and having the strength to leave. Not on kissing their a$$es so that they could reconcile. They were treated like prizes we had to win back in the name of family and for some religion. But that’s just messed up.
I've gotta say, I agree with JujuB. I wanted a reconciliation, but my observation has been that all the game playing and @ss kissing doesn't work very well. I truly believe that in most cases, booting the offending spouse out on their useless @ss, as soon as possible, is the best approach. Furthermore, if you read about people who are piercing or did "save" the marriage, it seems like trust in the spouse never fully returns; that's a cr@ppy way to have to live life.
