For me, Divorce was the best thing that could have happened to me. I fought it so hard. Argued committment and vows and marriage. I actually started siding with the church a while back there!!! But 5 years after he left, I am so much better off. It’s because my marriage and situation with my ex was just so bad - there was no where else to go but up.
He takes son 20 percent of the time - which is more help then I ever received from him while we were married. He’s now forced to contribute to extracurricular and provide child support (more then he ever did in the past - and that includes missed payments) so I can save. My ex had all this secret financial debt and secret addictions I didn’t know about. Imagine if we had reconciled! It would have been more of the same. But all his gaslighting would have put me in a situation where I was walking on egg shells. In hindsight, I wish I had let go and not followed the bandwagon of saving a marriage. That concept was damaging to my emotional health because I didn’t know about the double life he was living.
And I now have a boyfriend that wants a future with me and wants to be around me and talk to me all the time. Being in a relationship with someone that is actually capable of being in a relationship is wonderful.
I loved on line dating and post separation dating. It’s because after settling with a loser husband all those years - I discovered how much men really liked and appreciated me. In my marriage ex criticized me for not being domestic enough or ambitious while I was left full responsibility of a toddler with special needs. In the dating world I was considered a catch because of looks and career and being nice and normal and that felt great for me. My ex was empty and disengaged. Having conversations with men that were engaged felt incredible. Oh - and I just got a professional business incorporated (still lots to do before I start though)
So yeah. I wouldn’t fight hard for a marriage with someone that doesn’t want it. It’s better to invest in yourself and with someone that wants to invest in you.
