I just read through your thread-- you are doing great! I had one thought though for you that maybe you can only see when you read through everything start to finish... it seems like every time he opens up or turns toward you a little, within in a day or two you turn up the pursuit a little too strong, he backs away, you are disappointed, there is some distance, and then the cycle starts all over again. It seems like you are possibly entering this cycle again-- can you challenge yourself to respond differently? Like if you do see him at the event or the running group, have fun, PMA, whatever, but drop any expectations (and definitely don't ask or call or text) about him coming over? If he does, have fun, say bye! when he goes and don't call or text him afterwards? Have a plan to call a friend instead, or write out the text but don't send it, or whatever... Just restrain yourself.
I think it is the hardest to drop expectations when they are starting to show interest, but that is also probably the most important time. You may have read on other threads about the squirrel or cat or whatever skittish animal comes over to you-- the last thing you want to do is grab it and freak it out forever. You calmly sit there and do your thing.
You got this!!
Thank you, May. I appreciate you commenting. You are 100% correct there - and I am challenging myself to respond differently for this weekend. I think because there's been more contact on his end that I feel less desperate, for lack of better word, and don't need that reassurance of jumping the gun on asking if he wants to stay etc. At running group it's fortunately very easy to be kinda detached from him (this was the norm there and why people don't exactly realize what's going on) - I am very well liked there, and since he's injured he won't be running, but I will be, and there are a lot of distractions. When he stayed over Christmas, it was his idea both times, and in the past I've been super clear that he is welcome in our home.
His boss is one of my best friends and how I know him, and therefore I am also friends w/ his boss's wife. Boss's wife texted me today re: this weekend, saying H mentioned wanting to go to Saturday's event. (historically, we all watch this as a group). H told friend that he needs to see if it's OK with his mom if he stays over this weekend - which is odd since I know he never asks, but just show's up (MIL told me this directly). Friend said well, you know you have a house you can stay in....he said "I know," and friend said something about being under the same roof and not even necessarily in the same bed, and H laughed and said he knew. This was some time last week. Last time she put that bug in his ear, he did stay over with me (after running group the day after Xmas).
I am wary of being friendzoned - H had that same fantasy everyone seems to have about us "being friends" and I made it crystal clear I could not be friends with someone who would walk away from our marriage. I believe I've been clear enough for him to believe that's still the case, but who knows. I think I can better assess this in person, so we will see. I don't think he took my statement of not being mad anymore as a statement of 'let's just be friends,' and this wasn't at the beginning of this increase in communication. Some of my friends think it's ridiculous that I am worried about this, and some think it's semi legit but all say to not worry.
I do wonder sometimes if he wants to come back but just doesn't know how to, and if that's why he is suddenly acting like this. I think about the sales world and the 'assumptive close,' and that's kind of how I am working right now. We will see - fortunately, since we don't have kids and I do have a ton of close friends, GAL is easy for me. I do also suspect he will see his IC when he is here, so who knows. It's a strange turn of his behavior towards me, but it does give me the reassurance to just let it be.
