True detachment is the hardest thing ever. I can fake the hell out of it. There are days, and more in a row every week, where I really am detached. But really getting my head and heart out of his wake has been a struggle. ...I deactivated my facebook since I couldn't even stop myself when I took him out of my feed. I've talked to him about paying for his own phone since I'm not really feeling like bank rolling his way of communicating to his OW. I know logically and in my gut where he's going and what he's doing when he does it. But it's so much easier to say eff it. You do you I'm going to do me when I don't have to look the evidence in the eye so to speak. And my worst days are the day after I see the old H peeking out. Because I know it's just a fallacy right now.
But to your point of why should you put up with this and accept it; is what my H (and your H) doing abso-effing-lutely pathetic and soooo disrespectful? Hell yes. Before DBing I told him exactly how I felt about that. He got the tears, and begging at first and then a WHOLE lot of anger. He knows he's being a terrible person. He just doesn't care. So there's no point in arguing. There's no point at all in drawing a line in the sand. I've tried and I learned. He'll run right through it while making eye contact with me and then lie about it. But I've only been at this a couple of months. I found out about the affair in November. He BD'd in December. You've been at this a long time. You have every right to throw in the towel, but I agree with the lot of the other posters. You have to do that from a place of peace. You need to be in the head space of ambivalence first, then you know your choice is a choice from a place of logic not emotion. When you're really done, you know. I know this from my daughter's father not my current H. It was like "oh, ok. well we're done then." No anger. No sadness. Just ok, we're done. I'm done. This is done. You having your heart and emotions so rocked by him means you're not there. You're not done. So you gotta keep DBing and working on really detaching. We got this.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
