Stranger In My House Part 2

[wayfarer]

I am not detaching properly. It is so HARD to do! And I think part of the reason for that is that I have continued being intimate with H when he initiates it, thinking that this is a way to meet my needs and telling myself to remember it is only sex because H clearly has no love for me. I tell myself this, but my heart knows there are still feelings there on my part. I actually do not want to stop the intimacy because it is one of the few joys we share nowadays other than our children.

I can't tell you how to live your life. You gotta do what's right for you but please hear me out. I have zero judgement on casual sex. Zero judgement on you doing you as far as it comes to intimacy. Zero judgments on separated folks / divorced folks, banging one out here and there. But for me, my husband isn't casual sex. While i understand In my sitch I have an apparent OW so things are a bit different. And trust me when I say I would give anything to hate F my husband right now. He hasn't touched me since November. But... and this is a big but, the day I excused him from our bed and it became MY bed was the day the muffin shop closed until further notice. That's the love of my life who looked me in the eye and said our marriage is unsalvageable. His love for me is gone. There is no way in h3ll the person who devastated me like that is getting in my bed when he wants, much less between my thighs. Maybe some day when he's out of the house and he sends an "are you up?" text to me late on a Friday night, months from now and I'm desperate for touch, there's a remote chance that can be a thing. But there is no way I'm letting him live both his married life and his single life under the roof we share AND give it up. He's already getting the comfort of our kids, and a house that's always stocked with food and toilet paper, he's not getting more from me. He wants that single life so bad that includes that single life work to get laid. Easy, simple, I know exactly what you like, married sex is for married men that wanna be married. I get that you have needs. Dear lord in heaven, I get the needs part. But you need to really ask yourself if filling that need is worth your mental health. And to be honest possibly your physical health, because he is gone a lot, there are things you might not know.