It feels like a heavier loneliness than the usual "well I'm separated and alone without my kids the next few days" feeling.
This is completely normal, and it's close to how I also feel most days. I've been working through this feeling with IC for the past four or five sessions now.
I do occasionally wonder if it has something to do with working through co-dependent issues. My suspicion is that it does, at least in my own experience.
Originally Posted by unchien
I worked so hard when I moved out to set up a house for my kids and me. Now that it's 7 months later, the house feels temporary, unfinished, with a bunch of hand-me-down furniture. Temporary stuff for a temporary place. It's not the community I want to live in. It's expensive. The entire area I live in lacks a feeling of community (everybody complains about that). I don't know where I want to live.
It is all temporary, it is all limbo and limbo-adjacent. That's what I spoke of months ago on your thread when i said it will last for much longer than we were thinking at the time.
What if you did something? Some small thing - changed some of the hand-me down furniture? Painted? Redecorated? It wouldn't be a drastic thing but it might help get you unstuck.
Originally Posted by unchien
I'm working full-time. Busy again, which feels good. But it feels kind of meaningless. I'm earning money, which is necessary. And I enjoy my job enough day to day.
I've never been great at building a support network in my post-college adult life. I likely stayed in too many long-term relationships because they felt "safe" and I avoided the lonely feeling. I have one good friend in the area, a bunch of work colleagues, and that's about it. I haven't had much success during the 7 months making new friends, which is really on me I guess. Like DejaVu suggested, I usually say yes to every invitation, but I think I need to put myself out there more somehow.
You don't have to have a huge support network. I like my alone time, but once all this went down I forced myself to go out and contact people, text them out of the blue just to say hi, remembered old friendships I'd neglected. It really isn't in my nature to do this, but I was tired of the incessant thinking. And they seemed happy to do stuff with me. So it was a double win.
The only way to change this is to get out there, put yourself out there and do it. You can tell yourself you can't. Or you can try doing it. The choice is yours.
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There are things going on in my situation that are probably sparking these feelings. I'm choosing not to post much of that right now. There is a re-realization that this is really happening, now that the ball is rolling.
This is one of those posts that sounds more wallow-y negative than I actually feel in the moment. It helps to let it out sometimes.
Hard to know what to say here without details, but I understand and wish you the best in whatever it is that is happening I agree - it's good to let it out.
