So if its true, neither spouse is ever really happy. If its true, Im likely to find another avoidant and her another anxious, leading to more divorces and turmoil for the kids.
Hi Core, it doesn't work quite like this. Anxious and Avoidant are roles in a relationship--they are not who you are. "Early patterns of attachment, in turn, shape—but do not determine—the individual's expectations in later relationships." In my last several years of dating, I was the Avoidant in a 5-yr relationship, the Anxious in a 2.5-yr relationship, and now I'm in a new 2-month relationship where I'm not anxious.
I seem to switch styles between relationships. It's like.. okay.. had my fill of (high safety) or (high excitement) for a moment--let's have a bit more of the opposite for a spell.
It's a work in progress, but standing made me less of an anxious or avoidant partner. I'd like to say I'm in the "Secure" range now, but I'll let that sit a bit before deciding.
