Scott brought up this topic on my PM thread and I asked to move it off. So I'm going to put a thread here. I think this is a pretty relevant topic but I've been very hesitant to bring it up myself.
I would be curious to survey what anyone else's opinion of swinging and it's various degrees. Example...there's soft swinging where you only play with your partner in the presence of others, girlplay which is self explanatory, full swap, MFM threesomes, FMF threesomes, etc.
A long time ago on this board I made a point about the fact that the participation of activities like this would be indicative of an extremely healthy relationship where boundaries, self-control, trust, and respect are in good working order. Others chimed in with the fact that not all swinging couples are as "healthy" as I implied. Is this activity the act of "gambling with your marriage?" or some sort of test of individual nerve? Or is it just mindless physical play by folks who don't really think that deep about it?
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
I don't think I could ever be differentiated enough to handle that. I have an evil streak of jealousy and I am naturally monogamous. I did "make out" with two guys at the same time once when I was a teenager (naughty me), but one of them accidentally touched the other and they jumped about 3 feet in the air in fits of homophobia.
My husband loves the fantasy of FMF but says he doesn't really think he'd like it in real life. I think he's afraid I'd like it too much.LOL
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Well, my wife and I were swingers for two and a half years until she fell in love with one of our male playmates and began an affair with him that continued until about three weeks ago (and emotionally is still having the affair as far as I am concerned, although she has not been in contact with him for the last three weeks).
I started a thread on this topic a long time ago in "Sexual Issues"...you ought to be able to link to it here.
I would advise EXTREME caution if you engage in this behavior. It is sexually stimulating like a drug is psychologically stimulating. If you really think your commitment is strong enough to handle it, knock yourself out...but bear in mind that 92% of all swinger marriages end in divorce, according to research done by a former swinger couple I know, and for my part, I have NEVER met a couple or single in the swinger lifestyle who didn't have SERIOUS issues in their lives.
My recommendation is...don't do it. Find other ways to enhance your sex life, but if you do this, the risks are incalculable.
No, No, and No. Definately not in this day and age or ever. Call me old fashioned and I'll just say, "Thanks". Not to even think of the STD's out there and then to bring in someone else's emotional problems to the mix, not for me. PBH
I totally agree with MarchMadness. I have posted much the same sentiments previously myself.
You just don't want to go there. I played in the lifestyle in the 70's, even did a few movie loops. It sounds like MM might have traveled in similar circles.
It starts off fun and invigorating, if you get out of it intact, you will be one of the incredibly lucky few. I still can not believe that I never contracted a disease. Even then, I still have emotional scars. I don't believe it is possible to swing, group grope or even just share a room with another couple without some measure of emotional damage. The problem is that it takes a little while for it to show up. Kind of like a disease...
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
Wow....That is some really great info on this topic. I'm curious why I've never seen you on this particular forum but I'm glad you are here for this. This whole topic is a can of worms from what I'm reading on the links you provided.
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
thanks nop for the info. I've just been very fascinated by this lifestyle from meeting various couples who seem to glamorize it and also from some Real Sex episodes. W and I nearly got into "situation" when we were dating but we chickened out. A few months ago, I had an opportunity to participate in something similar and I choose to be a good boy but it somehow made me look differently at my M and it was the catalyst for all of this work. Maybe it was seeing older adults who loved sex (to the extreme) that made me long for the early days when my W and I were experimental and having lots of great sex. I don't know. It's probably best that we just stay in our own bed. It's just such a "heady" topic to me for some reason. I'm glad to have 2 compelling counter-arguments because I might have been misinformed about this lifestyle.
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
Dave, I have taken the big ego trip - that's what it is for guys.
I have done it with hundreds of women, in every conceivable position and using just about every technique and every mechanical device available at the time. I have "starred" in a few adult films, if you can call them that, 3 8mm loops and 2 16mm 'movies'. I thought I was brilliant at the time. The truth is I was young and stupid and playing with fire. I had already seen many people crash and burn. I was spinning my wheels trying to get into the 'adult business'.
What got my attention was not the carnage all around me, but i was at a shoot, hoping to get a part. I watched in horror as a girl went down on a guy with the biggest wart on his member that I have ever seen. She didn't want to do it, the 'director' was screaming at her to "get on with it". I left, very upset.
The very next day, while banging a friend's wife, my friend decided to shoot me.
Fortunately, it was with a 22 rifle, and the bullet went through about an inch of my right arm and exited.
As dramatic as all that sounds, what it did do was to wake me up. I was playing a nasty game that no one is really qualified to play. I understand that times are different, but even with the most practiced facades, people really aren't any different. It may be 30 years later, but I suspect that the issues are the same even if the play is all in undercurrents.
Be fascinated all you want, but don't drag anyone important to you along for the ride. Caveat Emptor .....
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
I'm one of those ridiculously HD women. But even my fantasies stop at the tame end, ie threesomes. For me, fantasies fall into two categories, I call them A and B. The list is for things that I might actually do, the B list is mind candy that I figure will seriously damage me and possibly others if I ever acted on it.
I've decided that threesomes, any type of sharing is probably on the B list. I don't think I'm able to watch someone else do someone I love without it hurting a LOT. And I think I'd feel bad if someone who loved me could happily watch someone else do me.... I'd think something was wrong.
I do have a couple data points that helped me arrive at this conclusion. The women I know who tried the 3some thing, with the H they adored... eventually became extremely low drive, and the marriages ended. Things were never the same, and it was never discussed as a reason. I doubt the men have any idea how impactful it was. It's the kind of thing that if you don't get it, no one can explain to you-- but that doesn't make it less true.
Now a casual three-some? That could be hot. But I don't see it having a place in any sort of emotionally connected relationship, at least not for me. Essentially, it would lead me to think that I was the only one who was emotionally connected, and I would therefore immediately back up and create emotional distance. That's what I do when I care too much, it's a protective mechanism.
Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time, and annoys the pig.
quote: ------- Now a casual three-some? That could be hot. But I don't see it having a place in any sort of emotionally connected relationship, at least not for me. Essentially, it would lead me to think that I was the only one who was emotionally connected, and I would therefore immediately back up and create emotional distance. That's what I do when I care too much, it's a protective mechanism. -------
You are right, it is hot, and it has no place where there is any emotional connection. If someone is going to have sex for fun and recreation (sounds like a commercial), then emotional ties have to be excluded. It is simply too messy otherwise.
I have to admit that in the early days of 'playing', I spent weeks with ear to ear grins. It did wear off though. It was fun and dangerous and something to do when you are young and stupid.
I am sure there are people out there that can handle a swinging lifestyle and be emotionally attached to someone. I have just never met anyone.
Enjoy your fantasies, they are fun - indeed, they are probably better than the real thing.
I understand about the emotional space as well. Every time a disappointment rises up in my healing relationship, I withdraw. I am trying to remain connected whenever issues arise, but the issues are almost always sex that was planned or intimated that got derailed in some way. I can handle pretty much everything else. Last night was one of those times. I am trying to not be affected by the missed opportunity last night, but it is hard - no pun intended.
A while back, in a discussion about sex with my wife, I told her I didn't trust her with the sexual issues in our relationship. Last night is one of the reasons why I can put my heart on the line. Too much drama ensues...
It is all too weird really. Considering my backgrond, I should probably hate sex. I still love it though. What I hate is sex having to be a big deal. It should be fun and easy, enjoyed like a spring breeze or a glass of fine wine. It should NOT be like having to drink castor oil.
Oh well, at least she is drinking the oil.... ;-)
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
