Your kids need an anchor. You need peace. Take it, make it, because your H will never in a million years give it to you.
THIS... this is how to take back power while standing. Somehow these words are really resonating with me.
HesAble, have you tried meditation or deep breathing exercises? Yoga? When you feel yourself flooding, maybe try closing your eyes and doing four long, deep breaths... or more, until you feel your heart rate return to baseline. Yoga has been really important for me-- I can be totally spinning and upset and ready to confront H, then go to a yoga class and just feel happier and have more perspective on everything.
To follow up on Wayfarer-- what would it look like if he didn't live at your house? What are things you've always wanted to do that he wasn't as into? I think I mentioned this before on someone's thread, but after BD I went out and bought all new bedding for the MB, colors I liked, new comforter I love. I've also been keeping lists of all the things I'll do once H is gone (like get a dog). Mine is more present right now than yours, so I can't actually get a dog quite yet, but yours has basically checked out and doesn't seem like he should have very much say in what is going on in the household since he isn't participating. Make a plan! Do what YOU want to do! Get the kids out of the house every weekend and do fun things together. Repaint your bathroom or your bedroom or both. (I feel like a really nice paint job in a beautiful color is always really soothing-- you feel good every time you look at it.) These are just ideas that would work for me, but you can figure out what works for you... and then do it.
You got this.
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
