But I still go around feeling like I was the one who was wronged, that our problems were never resolved, and that if she had just met me half-way we could have worked through our issues and stayed together.
You have written exactly what I went through - word for word.
You have to figure out a pattern interrupt when you get these thoughts or get in a funky mood. Go do something and distract yourself. And forgiveness for someone else will come automatically when you forgive yourself. and that comes through actions and grieving and making amends towards yourself.
Did you listen to the podcast I told you about? It has a powerful process for self-forgiveness. The only way out of this is through action. You have to force yourself to do these things. You can sit and mull and wallow away, and there is a time for that, but you have to get yourself out of that couch and start walking the path.
I hope this doesn't sound callous. I am super attuned to where you are. I was there, trust me. No amount of intellectual self-reflection changed anything. When I combined that reflection with action, that's when things took a positive turn.
Don't beat yourself up for where you are right now. It's okay. It's natural. But try and do a little bit differently tomorrow.
