Patience and Limbo (Core thread 3)

[hoosjim]

She also says when were alone, without the kids around that we have nothing to talk about. Not true however other than talking about the relationship and kids, she's right. There is little I want to talk to her about.

This is not uncommon, especially in a badly damaged relationship where intimacy has been lost.

Intimacy does not return overnight, or by itself. It takes commitment, and work, and intentionality.

But none of that can happen, of course, unless and until a) both parties are committed to the MR (which by definition CANNOT happen if either party is in an affair-- either emotional of physical) and b) both parties have at least begun to and, hopefully, made some real progress on addressing their individual issues (in your case 180s and GALs). I would add that it is unlikely that your W will be ready to "commit" to the MR before respect has been restored, you become more attractive to her, and she starts to "miss" you or worry about living life without you.

At any rate, once the initial hurdles are cleared, intimacy CAN be restored via effective MC. The intimacy in my MR was as dead as they come. I mean dead, dead. Not just no sex, but no friendship... nothing. But with the help of an absolutely outstanding MC (and, I am convinced, some divine intervention), we made a comeback.

It's possible. But it takes patience. And work.