Stranger In My House Part 2

[HesAble]

I need more frequent IC sessions. I am having more crying spells and my energy level is getting lower. I thought this would get easier but perhaps I am doing something wrong. I am beginning to feel like a doormat, sitting back watching H do all these crazy things to me and our family with no remorse. It is definitely emotional abuse in the most passive aggressive way imaginable. I feel so conflicted in how to move forward. Some days I want to just throw in the towel, call a realtor, put the house up for sale and leave with the kids. Other days I want to pray, DB and wait it out (in spite of the tears, frustration, etc.)

H has no intention to correct his behavior, it seems. He is enjoying having his cake and eating it too at the expense of our marriage and my feelings. Our dead shell of a marriage is killing me emotionally more and more each day. I try to GAL, 180, focus on the kids, focus on work, pray, etc., but the pain is still lurking in the background and the tears always manage to show up in my eyes at the most inconvenient times. I am not saying that separation or divorce would make that pain disappear because I am not that naive, but trying not to mention the relationship at all to H is driving me bonkers!!! His actions are so disrespectful. The last time I told him this, he simply reminded me about his discontent with being married and told me he wants to be free.

Although I do not have concrete proof of an affair, the circumstances are enough for anyone not in denial to see that there MUST be an OW because why else would H spend 2 to 3 nights a week (sometimes entire weekends) somewhere other than home and not tell us where he is? My D9 is starting to have more questions concerning his whereabouts than I can answer and I refuse to lie to my children to protect a wayward spouse.