Well I don’t look back and think my marriage was bad. Objectively I still think I was happy most of the time and we made a good team. (Ignorance is bliss I guess though, as his essential unhappiness was worse than I knew and looking back, it’s possible that there was more infidelity than I knew).
It took me a while after the divorce to recognize his narcissistic traits and how they impacted our marriage (and unfortunately, how they impact our kids to this day).
I fought hard for my marriage but about three months after he finally left, I looked around and realized it was nice not walking on eggshells all the time!
I was divorced at about the same age as you are now and have been single for ten years. My dating history has been a bit sketchy (Love Avoidant guys, much too young guys, a five year relationship with a guy who turned out to be lying the whole time and has relapsed into severe bipolar manic episodes with drug use.) My current boyfriend was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer three months after we met.
But despite the lack of an appropriate long term partner so far, I’m still glad I’m divorced. Our sex life in the marriage was really good but I’ve had even BETTER sex with most of my post divorce partners. Every single guy I’ve dated has appreciated me more than my ex did. I didn’t really realize how much weight I carried trying to fix my ex’s negativity. I also learned to play the drums when my ex left and have since played in a pop-punk cover band for several years, and toured professionally playing snare, glockenspiel or vibraphone with my longtime best friend who is a professional singer songwriter.
My relationships with my kids are strong while my ex has hurt and alienated them with his narcissism. And karma has been hard on my ex, poor guy. At first it looked like he had it all - duplex right at his favorite surf spot, 19 years younger hot wife, plenty of money, excellent health. But he’s had serious parental health issues, her parents died, he’s had serious orthopedic health issues which have transformed him from the super healthy athlete with no empathy for weakness or illness into a 59 year old with bad shoulders, neck and hip. He’s also apparently managed his money poorly enough that he feels poverty stricken going into his planned early retirement at 60 (even though his retirement income of almost 10k a month and his wife's income together far exceed mine).
Bottom line - there is life after divorce, especially if you embrace the change and the lessons of DBing. It can be a time if great growth.
