Hi there, I've posted over in the newcomer's forum, but then I received my DR book and read the chapter on depression and then started on the MLC chapter and devoured it. That is my husband to a T (Plus the depression).
Every solution I would propose over the last year was met with issues.
Our biggest problem (other than affection) was my anxiety over letting our kids sleep out. He was out of town for a week hunting and I let the kids sleep at my mom's. This way I could cry and have my anxiety on my own (I was embarrassed) I thought he would be happy - he was mad because I did it when he was out of town.
He started changing his eating habits, going to the gym, buying new clothes, got a new truck. He always seems unhappy with our life, when this is the easiest our life has ever been.
Apparently we've never been happy.
He wants to go back to school.
I start IC tomorrow, he has had an initial consult for IC and will go back next week (he initiated it, not me) .
He has not told a soul that he asked me to separate. He wants to move out, and when I first offered to move to my mom's he almost looked scared. Then I rescinded the offer and he was calmer.
He is saving for his own apt (first and last - looking at about 3k + furniture) at a rate of $200 per month. We have a family vacation booked for Mar and he still wants us all to go (the kids know nothing at this stage).
He is hot and cold - will buy me things that I have told him are a message to me that he loves me, shows me funny videos, asks about my day, picks me up coffee, etc He's stepping in at bedtime to help with my oldest and asking me how I feel. (things he hasn't done in the last 6 months). But then remind me that he hasn't changed his mind.
His love language (IMO) is physical touch, so I can't do anything there.
I am going out, I am taking care of myself by working out, doing my hair, nails etc. I am remaining upbeat and positive in all my interactions with him. I am not pursuing him. I am validating without engaging in conversation when he comes to me about work issues. I'm trying to be a better person.
I am exhausted and mentally drained. I am heartbroken at the thought of losing my family, my husband, my home. I am losing weight because eating makes me sick to my stomach. I want to scream and throw things when my kids tell me how much they love our family.
He's so positive about how great this is going to work out because we both know how much it hurts kids when parents fight each other and I want to scream that it's going to hurt them when their family breaks apart, but I don't. I smile and say that it's true, it does hurt the kids more.
What do I do that I'm not doing? What should I say? Should I be flirting when he's being nice and sweet, or aloof? I'm almost 20 years out of the dating game and was very happy about that. I don't know how to act with my own husband. I can't lose my marriage.
Last edited by job; 01/28/2002:06 PM. Reason: added link to previous thread
