Cross countries separation EU

[Pack_19]

Hi Sandi,

Thanks again for coming by to my thread, it is always fantastic to be able to speak to you (hugs)! I just read about your health, hope you the best recovery and that it is only minor!

I do not need to have control over her, I have accepted she is a strong independent woman and I cannot decide whether she chooses me or not, I feel like there is more I can do to slow down her dynamics. I mean it with respect to the distance that there is between us now. I am here in a different country, she is there and I only get time with my S6 over video call. I keep thinking that it is the perfect situation to dig things back and never look again (for my W I mean).

Yes my W and my mom never had the best relationship. My mom never really let loose of me and my W takes that as a lack of independence on my side and a wish for her to interfere in my life. I have told my mom time and time to respect her but sometimes I just have to leave the room. I know she is hurting because she loves me but she should be a stone for me, not someone who tells me I am never going to get my W back, that I am ridiculous with my M books and similar things.

I have developed a sense of inner happiness again and I know I am not supposed to be a clown around her is just about feeling proud of the man you see in the mirror. I only asked those silly questions about the jokes because I have always been funny to her (at least when our R was great) and I could tell she enjoyed laughing with me. I went yesterday to the Porsche museum, being surrounded by all those racing cars (my greatest passion) was like a breath of fresh air, I took tones of pictures, looked into every corner of all the cars, touched some of them (Germans no like that) and I bought 3 books at the museum store. It was a great day to find myself again, I had stopped pursuing my passion for racing and that is a big part of my happiness. It is actually part of what attracted my W to me, having such a strong passion and determination to live it in my life was attractive to her and she told me many times.

Today has been the X day. My lawyer wrote to me to confirm contacting the one we used for our separation agreement and I gave her the green light. I need to talk to her but while I was having dinner with a friend I got 2 missed calls from my W. Innocently I asked if that was my son, I said I was busy and promised to call tomorrow. But I know that was her, I know. If I did not have enough with fighting a battle for my M now she is going to say again that I am unfair and selfish and that I should not move to the same country because we have no future and can never be happy together. I fear talking to her, I was having a low moment so I had to come and tell you all. I have only my books and I need help. If she comes in fury to me about the 2 lawyers, how should I react? what if she brings D back up? I want to tell her look I love you and want to R, I am doing this for the children and because I am moving back so we need to change it, but my feelings about our M remain firm.

I am living huge internal conflict. I am 100% confident I can fix my issues and with some cooperation we could have our M back but at the same time I know all is on her hands and I do not deserve a second chance after having hurt her repeatedly with my selfishness. I want our original relationship back and I want my children to have that as an example of a healthy marriage, but I feel like she will never open to me. I am becoming the man I want to be, I am maturing and starting to value the things that really matter in life, I know because my attitude towards other people, money and life is changing. I love this, why on earth did I not listen to her and come here and bought all the books I have earlier?

On the other side I put the phone aside while having dinner with my friend because I wanted to disconnect and it made me unavailable and unreachable to her, good point for my GAL and LRT!