I cheated, we survived, now my wife's cheating

[JC08]

So the weekend- my daughter had 2 basketball games on Saturday, she did not feel the best and seemed sluggish. Typically, like all people, kids especially, she doesn't feel good, she becomes short tempered and what not. So after the games are over I'm leaving with my kids (it was my weekend) and my W tries talking to our daughter that just got done playing ball. My daughter kinda snaps at her, she's 10, she's a girl (lol), she doesn't feel good, and she didn't have a good game and she knows it. Plus this situation hasn't been the easiest for her. Anyway she snaps back at my Wife's questions with something like I'm terrible at basketball, the coach hates me, ECT. Well my wife says something to her about calming down and my daughter responds with you don't care about me you only care about Steve (the OM) now I was a little ways behind them on the sidewalk with my other kids, so I couldn't hear everything. Basically my W grabs her by the arm and gets angry, tells our daughter she's not going to speak to her that way, my daughter doubles down with,"it's true!". My W let's lets her go and walks off towards her car. I figure she about to cry. Anyway, I get the kids in the my truck, tell my oldest to sit down, get buckled up and that she will not speak to her parents that way and I'll deal with her in a second. My W parked two spots over, I walk over, she's bawling, I just tell her that our daughter is 10, she's going to spew things, that she says things like that to me also.

So I get her de-escalated and probably provided more comforting than I should have. Truthfully I think my W acted selfishly for some what typical 10 year old being upset does. I think she shouldn't have pushed her, or walked off the way she did. I think she should expect some comments from our daughter like that. I mean we seperated and in 3 months you are introducing our kids to the OM. I kinda feel like telling her that a lot got dumped on this family and the kids and essentially you are instantly introducing them to him and his kids? I don't think that is putting them first, thats putting your wants first. Maybe I'm wrong with that but it's how I feel. Then kinda like when we were together, I comforted her and then dealt with talking to and doing the discipline of the kids. You just reaffirm to our daughter that she can say something mean and she can get under your skin and you'll just walk off instead of dealing with it. Additionally, did she not think all this could happen without being negative consequences with kids and their attitudes and actions?

She text me later and thanked me for talking to her and calming her down. I didn't respond. Heck I wasn't even sure that I should have done it, part of me thinks I should have loaded up the kids and left without talking to her. Actually I'm sure that is probably what you guys will tell me that is what I should have done.

Then today she's asking me to change schedule again for tomorrow morning, I just respond that I would rather not change our current schedule. Then she told me she applied for a new job and asked if I would be flexible enough to make the schedule work. I would like to respond that we have a schedule now(it's 50/50) but she is the one changing the schedule but it's not my responsibility to conform to her changes. I mean yes I will work with her but I want to relay that I'm not just going to change everything for her schedule because it's easier for me to do so. Currently, she doesn't even have the job, not does she know what the schedule is going to be, so not sure how anything can be discussed anyway.

On a side note, she going back to a job like she had 4 years ago. She'll work every other weekend until 7, and her weekdays will be until 8. Currently no weekends, can come and go as she pleases, off at 5, 6+ weeks vacation. This will dramatically cut into the little fantasy life her and OM have been having. Currently almost every weekend she doesn't have the kids they go somewhere. Now every weekend she doesn't work she'll have the kids, then not be available until 8 and the weekdays she works she'll have the kids. Going to dramatically change their pattern. I know I lived it for 6 years before she switched jobs. That was where so many bad habits got formed I think. She didn't get home until 830, kids were basically going to bed, I had done all the picking them up, baths suppers, got them around in the morning because she had to leave earlier, and of course did all the drop offs at school and daycare. Then on top of that, everyother weekend it was just me and the kids until 6:30 or 7 of Saturday and Sunday. I was always the one to take off work and make arrangements because her schedule was not flexible. That's all coming back, only, she's not going to have me. Maybe she doesn't remember how much that schedule sucked because she wasn't the one at home figuring all that out,I do though, and as the kids are getting older the schedules are just getting busier.