Against the advice of the chorus on here, I did end up sending her a Christmas card with a letter inside. I was sort of surprised that she didn't mention it at all until I found out yesterday when we met that she never read it. She and her father do not speak at all (nor was he at our wedding), and I believe three years ago, he sent her a Christmas card and a letter as well, one that was very manipulative/guilt-inducing that put her in a bad place. She said that when she saw my card with my letter, she immediately put the two in the same bucket, and decided not to read it. I'm definitely not her father - he was extremely emotionally and verbally abusive to her - and obviously I resent the connection, but I understand the emotion behind it and ultimately, I get where she's coming from. I'm sure the same people who thought it was a bad idea will think it's actually a gift in disguise, so I guess we'll see.
How does it make you feel knowing she didn't read it?
Mixed emotions. I do agree with you guys that sending the letter was an action borne out of fear and out of helplessness of the situation - if only she knew how I felt, she'd have a change of heart! As someone said in the previous thread, there have been so many letters sent by LBH, and no one have them have materially changed anything. And I do sort of agree that putting it out there like that adds pressure at a time when pressure is not needed.
On the other hand, it's also a bit frustrating, because I do believe that she has the wrong impressions about a few things. I do think that this S, as painful as it is, has been a blessing because it opened my eyes up to many things I was taking for granted, and allowed me time to work on things to make myself a better future partner. The letter was less about "Oh baby, I'm so lost without you!" and more about the insights that this separation has given me, my commitment to keep working on them, and my belief the problems between us are workable and the natural connection and joy that we bring each other, evidenced by how we still can make each other laugh so easily, is still so obviously there. I'm not just sitting around feeling bad about myself, and I do want her to know that.
