(((Alison))) Big hugs to you, sister. I feel you on so many points. I have had some similar thoughts over the years that come and go, but perhaps not as strongly as you. Mostly, I do love my H. You are lacking respect, intimacy, and a solid foundation, so what are you trying to salvage really? These are hard questions! I wish we had answers for you!

Can I just say how much I love your openness and honesty? You think things through and you lay it all out there. It is amazing and so refreshing. I don't read you making any excuses or trying to convince us (yourself) that things are a certain way. There is no persuasive writing, and I am thinking that means you have come to a very honest place with yourself. Listen to yourself. Trust yourself.

I wish I had something more to offer you or some good advice. I don't. Perhaps this has been a long time coming? Sure, you got the guy, but do you actually want him? This is another reason that piecing is so hard, and that is that we often discover that no, we don't in fact want the person after all! I think your scenario is the most common one, but people like you are not the ones posting at sites like this.

There is not much you are describing about him that it sounds like is worth holding on to. He sounds rather unpleasant. I also don't know him and know what you loved about him so much before. You described him as even tempered and a nice balance, but you did not describe a man that is a strong partner. The lack of intimacy is also raising a big red flag for me.

As you know, this all takes such a long time. You don't have to make any decisions today, next week or even next month. I do think you are on the right path. You are being true to yourself. You do not have to change for anyone, even if that means losing your family unit. You can both still be good parents apart. And in time, you can find a better love and partner that treats you well. In time, your children will learn to understand and will be okay regardless. You don't have to stay in an unhappy life for anyone else.

Blu

“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela