Wayfarer, I don’t want to hijack your thread! But I find Steve’s advice interesting. In my case it won’t cost my H financially that much to D—he’ll be mostly fine, while I’ll be worrying about bills and rent. I do think it might be helpful for him to face the reality of what it would mean to live apart with me out of his life, to see that maybe D won’t automatically make him happier, isn’t the single answer to his problems. But I also don’t think it’s the answer for me, and I want him to own that decision if he makes it, I want him to do the work. I don’t want to hand it to him. I wonder how you’re thinking about this, wayfarer. I want to command respect, Steve. I hope I’m on the right path with my casual, detached attitude toward H, in not interacting unless he initiates conversation first, in the way I carry myself, do things for myself. But I do wonder if I could be doing more. I would take back the mbr, if that was an issue in my case!
That's the other part of this. He thinks all of his issues will be resolved by washing his hands of me and this marriage and I will not hand that to him. I just won't. I plan to file for legal separation as soon as he signs a lease so my step-daughter can stay on my insurance, but also then its in his hands if he wants a divorce. He has to wait 12 months from the finalization and then if he wants a divorce he can get it unilaterally but he has to do all the leg work.
