I need make sure people understand that I am morally opposed to D. The only way I would suggest what I did to wayfarer was in the case where the WAS has cheated physically. If my W had physically cheated, I would have filed. Short of that my morals wouldn't let me.
The thing is I'm neither morally opposed to divorce or find a PA so morally repugnant that it's my line in the sand. If every single woman on here had that same standard of PA=D there would be almost no WH reconciliations on this site. I'm not hanging on because I have low self esteem or I'm so desperate that he can just walk all over me. In my mind, PA=D is in the same vein of a knee jerk reaction of begging or crying when WAS says they never loved you.
The question here for me is, ok let's say I play it your way. I make the power move. I file while he's still living in the house. Then what? Then we have to have a temp order put in place over the dwelling so that means a temp order hearing, which would likely be a contested hearing. So if I'm doing this pro se to save money, I'm losing PTO at work. If I hire a lawyer to fight this out for me I go thousands in debt to make sure he knows he should respect me? And if he gets booted out of the house then where will my step-daughter go if he doesn't secure a place? I'd gladly keep her with me, but he won't have that. So OW's house? Is that where they should go? If his daughter wasn't with us full time, this entire situation wouldn't be playing out the way it is. But as it stands right here in the moment I'm the only stable adult in her life. So where does that put me? I go your route and hope he all of a sudden gets smacked with reality and changes course? Or he kicks this moving out plan into high gear and leaves me high and dry scraping by before I'm financially ready and possibly paying legal fees at the same time. Or do I divulge what's going on to his family in detail so they can make sure his daughter has a bed to sleep in and adults with their head on straight to care for her?
Perhaps my blinders are on. Maybe you're right. Maybe the only way to command some respect is to make the first move here. But I genuinely don't see how that power move plays out in my favor in the long run with or without him.
