I'm trying to sort out this heavy sense of loneliness that's come back the last day or two.
One of the books I've been reading pointed out that the negative interactions between D'ing parents is another (unhealthy) way for them both to stay connected.
I don't feel like I was chasing that kind of interaction. But now things have changed - I think in a healthier direction, but also it feels strange. No more MC where I get labeled and pathologized. My W scaled back on her long texts. We have some e-mail exchanges but they are becoming more business-like.
I notice the void. I didn't enjoy the recurring soap opera, but when it's gone, what's left is an empty hole to fill.
Stacked on top of that feeling is the feeling of being completely overwhelmed about starting this D process. Even though logistically I feel prepared, I am not looking forward to the actual process.
Whereas in the past I would feel more hopeless about feeling lonely, now at least I can recognize it for what it is and not wallow in it. Thanks primarily to DB and meditation.
