Here’s a quote I heard few days ago that resonated with me:
“You can’t wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.”
Last week H brought up D again (4 times this month so far. I am no longer shocked.) and I listened. In the end he added “IF we go down that route...”
And then he wanted physical intimacy.
This was the first time I stuck to my boundary. I said, you just talked about divorce five seconds ago, now you want X? I love you, but I cannot do X right now because it’s going to mess with my head. (Not really, but I just didn’t want to give it up) And he pleaded and pleaded for X. He even said that it will make him “nicer,” and that he will feel more “generous.” I stood my ground and turned him down nicely. And I realized that he really does know me well, and he was trying to manipulate me. As I look back to our relationship I see a lot of that. Whether H did it intentionally or not, he used my fear to his advantage. There was a lot of walking on eggshells on my part.
Time really is my friend. Really trying to use it wisely to maneuver through this fog of life.
