Thank you for sharing all of that... this sounds really difficult. Are you guys in MC? Another option you might consider if Retrouvaille is too religious for you might be an Art and Science of Love workshop-- I think they are held outside the US-- or reading the 7 principles or something like that together?
I have three questions for you:
One, why do you want to stay married to him?
Two, can you share the wonderful things about him? Why you fell in love in the first place and what kept you together in the years before it went south?
Three, what do you want in a M and an H in the long term-- say x years from now when you're over this difficult patch? Where are you willing to compromise and where are you not? Have you thought about where you both want to go in terms of building a new MR together and what that would look like? It sounds like you don't know what he wants, but do you know what you want? Do you think he knows what he wants? Do you think it is possible for you to have these kinds of conversations? (ok, I know that is more than three questions... sorry! can't help it!)
As I read through your post, I wondered if you are in a place where it is hard to see the positives, or if there are really very little positives to see. As an outside observer, it seems like it isn't a very happy situation and that you don't have a lot of hope. I wonder if you read the post and pretended it were someone else's, what your advice to them would be.
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
