Stranger In My House Part 2

[oceangrl]

Ok, all you veterans...It is that time of year when all the Valentine's Day crap is out in stores. For years, H and I have made a big deal out of the holiday and, for the first time, I am feeling the pain of being lonely and feeling "single" on that day.

Any tips for surviving the day without having a breakdown? As bad as H treats me nowadays, I am not expecting a present, card, text or any kind of acknowledgment on the day, of course (even though we live under the same roof and are sometimes intimate). In fact, I expect the worst - that he will not even come home that night or will schedule to be out of town the entire weekend. The thought alone makes me sick to my stomach.

I get this. I have had to learn to do my best not to set my self up to fail. I work on having zero expectations. If I harbor a secret hope he will send me a card or flowers or pay the slightest bit of attention to me, I am going to end the holiday feeling sad and miserable. Not only that, but if my happiness on that day depends on HIS choices, so again he has all the power!!!! I am working really hard to take back my own happiness and my own power.

I had a coach who taught me an interesting principle. She was struggling with finances and saw a land rover drive by and felt sorry for herself. Then she changed her thinking. "If this person can afford a land rover it is possible for me too, Thank goodness!" When she was divorced she would feel tortured seeing happy couples. Instead she would say, "Bless this couple. They are showing me that love is possible for me, too!"

What you and I have to avoid on Valentine's Day is feeling sorry for ourselves. Oh, it's so easy! But it only leads to misery. I am going to send love to myself mentally leading up to it and that day. I will buy my favorite food. I will watch a movie that I love (not one about romance most likely!). I will do something that reminds me I am in charge of my life. Or I won't think about Valentine's Day at all.

I also remind myself how easy it is to make up stories about other couples. We have no idea what's really happening. On paper, my family looks awesome. And not because I try for it to. In real life, my marriage is a dumpster fire. Looks truly are deceiving. I mean, a couple walking by could be two people cheating on their spouses, you know. I remind myself constantly not to make up stories.

The biggest thing for me is not feeling sorry for myself. That is a one way trip to soul sucking discouragement.