I understand your frustration w/your h, but you can't control what he says, feels or does. The only person you can control is you and how you react to his behavior. You don't want to come off sounding like his mother, so I would suggest that you say nothing when he first comes home. He's expecting you to go off and give him the justification he needs to do the things he's doing.
Just as you would a teenager, once you have calmed down and can broach the subject in a very calm voice with eye contact, I would say "say, h, would you please text and let me know if you are going to be late or aren't planning to return home so that I am not worrying that something has happened to you?" If you approach him w/a question, he might be more prone to do what you ask. If you come at him in anger, he will be more determined to stay out and not text you just to annoy the heck out of you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
