It's so hard living together and going to bed together as we deal with this but we are trying to keep things as normal as possible for the kids until he saves up enough for an apartment.
I am such a planner and control person - I have a home planner, work one and a personal one. The fact that all of this is out of my control and I don't have a checklist or plan is really difficult for me. I always loved math because 1 + 1 = 2. I hated science because of all the variables - and this is all such a science!
To recap: I am not initiating conversation I am doing things for me I am giving limited details of what I'm doing I'm trying to GAL but I also don't want to leave my kids a lot I've got one book and the other on the way I'm trying not to look for hope when he initiates conversation or does nice things for me I'm dressing nice and doing my hair and makeup I'm always smiley and upbeat
What else? What am I missing?
Sorry you are here CM. You're feeling the loss of control and uncertainty which is driven by fear. Its hard, unbelievably hard.
For the sleeping arrangements, the vets may have a better take.
Your planning and control...it's good you recognise this about yourself. Question for you...did you control him? Did he ever complain about either. If so, relinquishing the control should be one of your 180s. He may feel like he's walking on eggshells, cant be himself, criticized, not treated equally. I'm controlling as well so I can understand how hard yet how freeing it is to let go.
Talking about the kids will need to happen but the recommendation here is to usually keep it business. "Im going out tomorrow, please watch them till I'm back". The fun, loving things they do, tell a grandparent or relative. Missing the family unit at times can clear the fog the spouse is in.
If you're missing them, GAL with the kids. Take them to an indoor pool, the mall, museum. Read up hard on validation. For you and everyone in your life. Validate your own feelings, not just others.
For 180s...what are behaviors your spouse disliked the most? If you agree these things are issues worth correcting for YOU, then 180 them.
No matter the outcome, build a better you. For yourself and the kids. Be the foundation those kids need.
Last edited by Core; 01/26/2003:51 AM.
H37, W37 D4, S2 ILYBNILWY 9/19 BD 9/19 EA discovered 10/19 Currently in limbo, no D or S process initiated
