what DB approaches are right for me?

[oceangrl]

Oceangirl: Ditto. It was all my fault too and for awhile, I accepted that story. No more. Mine has a high paying job that I got him. He wants to leave it and go be a trading nomad with international travel included in these plans apparently. I facilitated and funded that even after he left me. He actually has filed as you know and can end this marriage any time he wants. I at least didn't beg, plead etc. I told him if that's what he wanted, I wouldn't stop him and I haven't tried. I did try to reason a little (stupid). A couple of weeks ago, he told me he hasn't changed his mind but insinuated that it was still possible that he could ("trust" being the issue - obviously sees that I have changed). He has also done things that kind of signal to me that he's not completely gone yet. I do feel that it is going to be difficult to near impossible for him to dismiss this case and come back because it represents "going back into the cage" for him. He may have to go through with it and live his fantasy life before realizing it was nuts. I also read the Dobson book and that is the most useful thing I have seen. It's fear of the future that keeps me in this game although I have taken a lot of steps to deal with that. It's mostly irrational. I can make money and have all my life but I'm 62 and worried about health ever becoming an issue with no support. I also still love the idiot but that can and is changing. I give you the biggest virtual hug I can. This blows, there is no question about it.

Oh Newbie, it's so hard, isn't it!!!!!

I am 45. The good news is, there so much life still for you and me, and I am trying so hard to have my mantra be "I will be okay no matter what." I totally understand that worry of health issues and being alone. I try to remind myself I have dear friends who love me and will be by my side.

I've been on this roller coaster with him for three years now, so the love part is fading for me as I have continued to lose respect for him in buckets. I have bent over backward to work with him and make this as positive and easy as possible and he has not done the same. While I want my marriage to work out, its hard to romanticize someone youre having difficulty respecting.

I am reminding myself my happiness can't be dependent on how he feels about me. I am going to be miserable in limbo land if that is the case. I keep telling myself I am a catch lol, otherwise I can get discouraged about being alone.

I am glad we all have each other here. It makes it so much easier.