Oceangirl: Ditto. It was all my fault too and for awhile, I accepted that story. No more. Mine has a high paying job that I got him. He wants to leave it and go be a trading nomad with international travel included in these plans apparently. I facilitated and funded that even after he left me. He actually has filed as you know and can end this marriage any time he wants. I at least didn't beg, plead etc. I told him if that's what he wanted, I wouldn't stop him and I haven't tried. I did try to reason a little (stupid). A couple of weeks ago, he told me he hasn't changed his mind but insinuated that it was still possible that he could ("trust" being the issue - obviously sees that I have changed). He has also done things that kind of signal to me that he's not completely gone yet. I do feel that it is going to be difficult to near impossible for him to dismiss this case and come back because it represents "going back into the cage" for him. He may have to go through with it and live his fantasy life before realizing it was nuts. I also read the Dobson book and that is the most useful thing I have seen. It's fear of the future that keeps me in this game although I have taken a lot of steps to deal with that. It's mostly irrational. I can make money and have all my life but I'm 62 and worried about health ever becoming an issue with no support. I also still love the idiot but that can and is changing. I give you the biggest virtual hug I can. This blows, there is no question about it.
