Gerda my girl. Set out two cups; we’re going to have a visit.
(It’s evening so we’ll use glasses, filled with ice, right to the rim; Coke poured in slowly the foamy bubbles rise through the clear cubes.)
I like your post! I smiled through out it. So much sword and shield.
First off, I’m glad H caved. My goodness I think your L’s head would have exploded if that deal fell through.
Thoughts and feelings. That was said so well.
Originally Posted by Gerda
No contact really is healing.
Yay!
Originally Posted by Gerda
... I think about H and all that happened and especially about the OW, I feel terrible...if I don't, I really enjoy my life, feel good about myself... I have joy being alive and projects I want to do, hopes for my future... and lots more friends and some family.
That is great!
Thoughts and feelings. Each influencing the other. However, one can directly control thoughts, which will directly influence feelings.
Mental assertiveness my good friend. Well done! I remember you lamenting, what seems like a long time ago, how difficult it was to have DnJ assertiveness. Ha! Look at you now.
(Helps myself to a Nanaimo bar, or two)
I am proud of you. What a brilliant demonstration of the power of focusing on you.
The Wednesday and every second weekend pipeline.
Originally Posted by Gerda
I get a little unwelcome pipeline.
Originally Posted by Gerda
It is so painful. I want to have less pain around those transitions of D back into my home.
A few suggestion for you (as I have another snack).
Reframe this in your mind. Thoughts and feelings.
A little unwelcome pipeline. No! Think different.
A welcomed pipeline. D10 is sharing her experiences with you. Her mom. The person she trusts and is her safe place to let her guard down and be vulnerable. By thankful for that, for you are blessed!
Welcome those discussions. For you can lead and shine your role model self for her to follow.
With that, there is little to no pain.
You can alter and modify your feelings and beliefs - it all starts with thoughts.
Is H doing this on purpose? Who knows. Is D10 doing this on purpose? No way. She is just being honest and sincere in what she see and hears. Oh, the honest innocent truth of a child.
(Getting dry. Lots of talking. Refills glass.)
(And another tasty treat)
H telling D10 that she’s fat, and boys won’t chase her. Etc... Give her a big hug. Then explain how one can not control what others say and do. Dad is going to do what he is going to do. You can explain your beliefs and views, and encourage her to share her’s and “see” which make the most sense.
You can share mine if you like: Body shaming is bullying - plain and simple. You can’t stop someone from saying whatever they want, regardless how foolish and immature it is. However, you don’t need to listen to it. You have your own heart and mind, use them and think and feel for yourself.
(Hmmm. I feel like another delicious bar is needed. Wow, that pile of 84 is whittling down)
And D10 does have her own mind and sees very well. I love what she said about Dad talking to “her” for an hour on the phone. She knows he could and should be spending it with her. She also know why he doesn’t - I suspect. She is pretty bright.
I did laugh at you telling about D10 repeating the swearing. I still remember the first time my daughter swore in front of me. Hahaha. It’s such a funny story. Don’t sweat the small stuff. At ten she’s heard more than your realize.
And that honest innocent truth - “ It’s okay, I am used to him talking like that about you.”
Gerda that probably hurts. Reframe that for yourself. That is pure gold!!!
D10 is accepting her life very very well. “It’s okay.” What a great thing to hear.
She is a bright kid. She sees what is and has been going on. She knows.
Dad is talking bad about you. You do not demonize him. Who do think she is going to reach out to? Listen to? Look to for advice and guidance? Model her life after?
No one can control another person. D10 seems to get that. She’s adjusted pretty well it sounds like. And of course there are going to be ups and downs.
As much as it hurts to know and hear that you are being dragged through the mud - consider who is doing the dragging. Pay him no attention regarding that. Sound like D10 isn’t either.
DnJ
(Btw you’re out of Cokes and Nanaimo bars)
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
