I cheated, we survived, now my wife's cheating

[JC08]

I had told her last night that I would have to change my schedule and didn't know if I could do it, said I would get back to her later. Part of this was to delay to get thoughts and direction from here, then she sent yesterday, "nevermind, the company was going to change the meeting and it would be a different day. That she would let me know later what the day was". Then she asked questions about filing taxes together. And ended with, "have I always been this needy? Sorry I was such a pain in the ass".

Yes, yes she was, I literally always took care of everything, gave in to her wants, took care of kids, schedules, whatever else. Hell after she kicked me out she had to ask when our house payment was due and how much it was. Stupidity I thought that all the things I did showed her love and then after all we went through she would say how much I always took care of her, that was how she knew how much I was hurting when my affair happened because that wasn't/isn't who I am, that I wasn't a bad person. She's switched all that talk now! Lol

I haven't responded to any of those messages she sent, didn't see a need.

Then this morning she called, and it was about drop time at school, so I took the call to make sure something wasn't up with the kids. Instead all she did was complaining about her job, I could tell she was really upset, like stifling a cry. Said she was looking for a new job, that she couldn't stand her co-worker, who is her subordinate. She hired her and they became good friends, she use to love this job. She only had great reviews from management before she became so preoccupied with OM. So the point of her calling came down to she wanted to see if I would work with the schedule once she found a different job. I just listened, said sorry things are rough at work, and that first she would have to get a job and then we could tackle schedules. She seemed to be looking for support, which even at my worst, I always did, especially with her job when she stressed.

I didn't, I just listened said the above, and pretty much ended the conversation. Which was hard for me to do, I want to offer support, and talk, but it NEVER leads in a good direction, ever. So I didn't.

So in 6 months time she's leaving a job that has flexible hours, 6 weeks vacation, no weekends, no evenings, and that she had zero issues with until OM entered our lives. She's getting divorced. Gave up half of her time with her kids. Started a new relationship and went in neck deep, instantly. Has cut out all our old friends and her family, her parents never see or talk to her. Doesn't want the house and wants to move, I assume in with OM, she lives there half the time already. Just seems like a lot of huge life altering decisions in such a short time period.

I like your guys responses, I think that is the way I'll handle it when it comes up again. I have not asked for assistance once from her, I either change my schedule or make arrangements another way. I mean she didn't even tell me that she was going to Mexico, I asked her because I wanted to know when I was going to have my kids for 12 days straight.(he goes yearly, she girl number 3 in 3 years) It didn't hurt my feelings at all to have my kids for that big of stretch but she wasn't going to give me any notice. She didn't know if her parents could help or not because her mom called to tell me if I needed any help with my schedule to let me know, but she didn't even know she was going until the day before she left for Mexico. I'm sure she thought I'd blow a fuse when she brought it up, but I had pretty much assumed she was going.

So onward with my new crazy life. I guess side notes. I see a therapist weekly still, I still struggle with overwhelming thoughts and have a hard time sleeping and staying focused. I journal thoughts alot, I like writing, and it helps me organize and focus my thoughts. I don't feel like I have came very far emotionally in the last 6 months, my therapist, my mom, my wife's mom(we talk multiple times weekly, we always have) think I have. I just turned 35 and am in better shape than I have been since highschool. I go to the gym 5-6 days a week, have lost almost 40 pounds, and have went from not being able to run a mile to running a 25 minute 5k. GAL is tougher, pretty small community in rural area and just not a lot of activities. Got invited to drink a few beers with some guys after playing some Rec basketball, was excited about that, but OM truck was at the restaurant/bar, so I backed out. My wife doesn't want the house or land, kind of in the process of determining vales, it looks like we will come to an agreement and I'll have my house and land back. Which will give me a lot of projects to focus on and keep busy with. I hope that all gets wrapped up before spring so I can take advantage of nicer weather and longer days. Currently reading Boundaries by Henry and Cloud and am trying to continue to improve my skills and understanding to better deal with this and all situations and to get better emotional control over myself. Went through a period of drinking way to much when I didn't have my kids, alcohol is definitely a depressent for me. Went cold turkey, now I just drink a few beers here and there, so I was happy that I was able to control that. I have definitely learned that most things I use to think we're big stressors in my life are nothing, and I'm enjoying my kids more than ever. My oldest two ask to just live with me all the time. I am in the process of planning a trip to Rome sometime this summer. I feel like it will give me something else to plan and focus on rather than divorce and everything that brings up.

Anyway, I truly appreciate all feedback I get to my situation.