Need more advice: a very close friend suggested that I mention briefly to H that the children are very aware that he is not coming home many nights. My inclination is no, I should not mention this because last time I mentioned the kids, H claimed I was trying to manipulate him by mentioning how D would affect our kids. Surely these wayward spouses realize that their bad behavior impacts their kids. I assume H just does not care - the same as he does not care about my feelings.
... Some vets recommend not saying anything until any decision is made because kids need certainty. But for my own sitch I felt my oldest was already uncertain about what’s happening and it would not be right to keep pretending everything is ok when clearly he knows it’s not. I can see my S10 is going through some huge emotions lately now that he knows, but he wouldn’t talk to me about what’s on his mind. My other two are younger so they seem ok so far.
This is the hardest part. Good luck.
This makes sense - not saying anything to the kids until the decision is certain. I will try to hold out until then. I think H should have to explain to them since this is his idea. He will probably be a coward about it just as he has been about all of this. BD was by text. He has a hard time telling people things like this in person. You can't tell kids this by text. That is for sure.
H and Me - Both 45; S13 and D9 BD - 11/2019 Married 14 years; Together 20 years
