Stranger In My House Part 2

[HesAble]

As far as I know they are like addicts. They gotta hit bottom before they can start to climb up. So I’m sorry but it’s likely going to get worse before it gets better. I strangely just posted about my H disappearing. He won’t go days. And he still calls here home even though he’s on a date night with OW right now. Just Incase you’re wondering he’s coming home tonight. Yeah that’s my life, loll. 2 months ago when I brought up how what he’s doing is going to devastate our kids he basically told me to F off and that was manipulative, blah, blah, blah. 5 weeks ago I tried to set some boundaries. Only a few rules. She isn’t allowed around either kid his or mine as long as he’s under this roof, she’s never allowed in my home and if I find out she’s ever here I’ll gladly go to jail over that, she isn’t part of family time, you commit to family time she gets muted for those few hours, don’t embarrass me or the kids in public, and please tell me where you’re disappearing to even if it’s with her because I can’t keep telling a 15 and 17 yo that I don’t know where you are. He won’t dare bring her here. He knows well enough to not bring her around the kids. He’s actually been good with muting her during family time for the most part. The last two however. Not so much. Until 4 days ago. Saturday he inexplicably started telling me where he’s going, with who and if he’d planned on coming home. Every day since then he has. I don’t say this to brag. I say this I say emotionally prep for a fight but don’t go in like a heavyweight. Stay calm and neutral. Lay out simply what you need to keep that house running with some semblance of sanity and order. He will either do it or he won’t. But it’s out there. I’m learning the WS is a lot like a teenager. They hear what you’re saying but they won’t listen until they are ready to. Honestly leave him a note if you must or shoot a text laying it out. Maybe something about committing to time with the littles certain days and hours. And giving you a heads up if he IS coming since the norm is now to just not be there. And what ever else you need for sanity and order. No guilt tripping. No whining or nagging. Just this is what I need. You may need to review the boundary post and turn the list into if you don’t I will things. You seem to be hitting a wall here and maybe a baby line in the sand vs. immediately going to to hell with it let’s go straight to D is what you need to feel like you have a tiny bit of control here.

I definitely need to work on establishing more boundaries. I have some in my head already but have not communicated them to H.

My WS is absolutely like a teenager. I keep communication with him to a bare minimum because I know he is not at all tuned in to what I am saying half the time. I have not mentioned the M or relationship issues in over 7 weeks so mentioning boundaries will be a little awkward.