Wayfarer- thank you so much for sharing your story. I really appreciate it. I met my H when I was young as well. I definitely feel like the lack of life experience played into how I was blind to a lot of the warning signs early on in our relationship.
Oceangrl- oh yes I finally got the fixer out of my system now (at least 99% I hope lol).
H is close to hitting rock bottom if this isn’t already so. I see a pattern of slowly unable to meet his responsibilities (kids, work), and talking nonsensical.
I am still afraid. But I know I am in the best mindset I’ve ever been in our M. I honestly had no idea that I have been enabling him all these years. How much fear has played into a factor in all my decisions. I knew I have been walking on eggshells much of our M and in the back of my mind I always knew I shouldn’t have to feel that way....but now I have more clarity.
I had a lot of anxiety last night thinking about all the different scenarios that this could play out. If I put my foot down on X, H will react like Y or Z and then how do I protect myself and the children...etc. H has never been violent, but what if he becomes that way when he hits rock bottom...if I tell him to get his stuff out what if he doesn’t want to...my mind was running round and round.
I wanted to say something today to him about his alcoholism and maybe stating a boundary for myself, but I realized he was probably drunk. So I didn’t bother.
