You really, really need to talk to a lawyer about assets, alimony etc. Even though you dont own your house, depending on how the trust is setup there is precedence for her to claim half the future value, basically like a retirement account. You need to work with your lawyer and your parents to figure this out now. And definitely you should tell your parents because of their financial involvement. I also highly, highly suggest you inform HR about this and not let OM dictate your life. If you really want to avoid divorce and keep your wife, she has to want to. Why on earth would you expect her to want to stay with some sap that got run off by her boyfriend who she sees every day at work? And even if she gets fired, so what? Alimony even in CA will be calculated based on earning potential, and getting fired at-cause is not going to help her case in any way.
Your best bet is to knock her off her current position, because she is exactly where she wants to be right now. She spends all day with her secret lover while hubby is home washing her underwear in the house he provides for her. You need to end this arrangement now. You want to reconcile which means you are giving her the power of choice. But I would highly suggest you take strong action right now to limit her options to not include her and OM wiping the floor with you.
