what DB approaches are right for me?

[oceangrl]

Yes, though we aren't supposed to discuss other experts here.

Oh shoot, I missed that in the rules section. Noted.

Still, many of his methods are the same as MWD's. Back off. Give time and space. Etc.

I think talk charges, touch charges and date night are more for marriages that are in trouble but pre-BD. Though if you start getting to a place where you might reconcile, subtle touch and talk charges can work. But they are pressure and pursuit and should not be used until reconciling becomes a possibility.

Makes total sense. It is funny how I have to literally rewire my brain to do things differently. I can feel that it's a 180 in me. My initial reaction is not quite the pressure and pursuit as before, but it's still not second nature yet, so I have to think it through. I think of it as learning to write with my left hand after writing with my right all my life. I have to really make that effort and practice.

I also have to do self-forgiveness, as it is more clear to me ways that I nagged or tried to please in my past in order to get reassurances, etc. Ugh. Not easy to remember. But I guess noticing is the first step.

And not that he was prince charming or anything, but just trying to focus on me and own my own life.