This is so hard. I actually feel the life being sucked out of me. I am going to do my best not to go. I am actually having IC anyway.
Just tell her flatly and simply.
"I’ve decided against going to marriage counseling. I feel that it would just be going through the motions at this point. I’m going to start individual counseling on my own. A lot has happened and I need help processing it so I can heal and move forward."
Steve85, can this kick you in the rear by the spouse saying, "well, if you don't go to marriage counseling then clearly you aren't interested in saving the marriage so what's the point?"
Wait. So you are worried about what the person that has already told you that they aren't interested in saving the marriage thinks? This is called ATTACHMENT. It is the opposite of what you should be: detached.
ocean, think about it this way. If you were dating a guy, and 5 dates in he went, "Eh, you know, I really don't want to be in a relationship with you." What would you do? Would you start throwing yourself at him? Calling him non-stop? Pushing yourself on him? Wanting to attend couples counseling with him? OF course not! You'd have a healthy outlook of "I don't want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with me!"
Our sitches are no different. The WAS has said, loud and clear, "I don't want to be in a relationship with you!" It is unhealthy to respond to that by throw yourself at them, call them non-stop, push yourself on them. Or attend counseling with them. As DR says, you should have an "as if" attitude towards them.
People want what they can't have. The sooner Budvegas starts moving on without her the more of a chance she will wake-up and go "WHAT THE HECK AM I DOING!?!?"
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
