Being a doormat vs. accepting interaction

[oceangrl]

Can I ask for some advice here? My husband's case is at the point now that he can go to court and finalize it at any time whether I like it or not . He has made no move to do it. He attempts to interact with me every single day. I use no contact inasuch as I never ever initiate anything. I respond intermittently to his texts but in a very brief and businesslike way. I don't feel comfortable being his buddy while he's in the process of divorcing me.

Yet I feel like the ship may be slowly turning around. I can't point to any one thing but the totality of what I am seeing. I don't know what he thought single life was going to be like in his mid 60s but he hasn't really done any of the things he was going to do with his life when he was free. I absolutely know I cannot ask or press or pursue in any way and I will not. I kind of think he wants me to. I just get that feeling but again, could be wrong.

I really would prefer to be completely dark but I feel like I should interact a small amount and give him a chance to backtrack if he is going to. But I don't know. I really don't like talking to him while this is going on. Sometimes I get triggered by stuff he says (never let him know that though).

Is there a way to deal with this; i.e., limit contact without giving the message you are no longer open for business?

I feel like your anxiety is running the show. Which is understandable. Have your read DB lately? The ship does turn slowly. He could divorce you and that doesn't necessarily mean it's over. You stated you made big changes after several years. He is looking for consistency. Will these changes stick, or is just for the short term? How committed is she? Is she doing this for her or for me? You are doing a great job of not pressuring or pursuing, I would keep that up.

I understand the feeling that you want to go dark, but what do you want? Do you want a chance for your marriage to work? If so, I would keep detaching, but not shut him out. I think you are doing the right thing by responding in a business-like way. Remember, you are becoming your best, most authentic, passionate self. FOR YOU. Even if the marriage doesn't work out, you still did this for you and for your future. Try not to worry so much about it being finalized. To me, there appears to be interest in you still on his part. But if he does finalize it, you can say you did everything you could, which could make it easier for you. I know this is so hard!