Doing my thing and hope for the best

[oceangrl]

I’ve been sick for the past few days. Feeling weak physically has taken a toll on my mental fortitude. Last night I broke down in front of the kids when S10 was giving me a hard time and pushing my buttons. I cried and told him that he had no idea how much pain I am experiencing both mentally and physically, how I wish I didn’t have to do all of this by myself without their dad, and just how sad I am at the moment. Not my best parental moment.....hope I can do better. My little one gave me lots of kisses last night which were so magically healing. *taking a deep breath....

I was sick earlier this week, and I have really learned the hard way to keep in mind that it amplifies every emotion and insecurity. Everything seems darker and more hopeless. I also have to be careful not to take it out on others around me -- or myself (it happens, though! Forgive yourself and move on).

Remember, you can't fix your husband's alcoholism or depression. And what a heavy burden to carry. Detachment isn't coldness, so you could show him some level of caring without hindering the process. What I am worried about it codependence, that thing in us that makes us want to fix others. I used to think if I could fix things for my H he would want to do the same for me. If I was pleasing enough and could show how loyal I was. It never worked. You want a relationship, not an entanglement. Oh, I've been there.