I feel like I have both so much and so little to report on my situation.
I've been meditating fairly consistently (9 out of the last 10 days -- woot woot!). Sometimes it is absolutely maddening. I'll peek at the timer, can't find a comfortable position, my mind bounces around. "I need to get dish soap" to "I hope S is doing okay" to "Oooh when this is over I need to write myself a reminder..." Other times it is incredibly calming and blissful. Mostly it's in between.
I notice some minor effects, maybe from the meditation, maybe not. One measuring stick is noticing how I am more productive at work than I have been in some time.
I've gone to IC for a few years for anxiety. I learned all kinds of techniques which made logical sense, but I could never apply them effectively. In the moment, emotions took over and my thoughts fell into the same well-worn grooves. Now that I've embraced this sort of non-logical paradoxical path, those techniques have started happening automatically. Recognizing catastrophic thinking, projection, useful vs. non-useful thoughts.
It's strange... I've embraced this idea of just trying to turn down the volume in my brain and letting things be. It seems to help, but I can also tell it's going to be a lifelong process with no real end goal. Which is kind of a relief in a weird way.
