"Walking Out of the Valley" 3

[hoosjim]

Living in a small community and having this happen has finally made me feel humiliated and ashamed.

Why? What have you done wrong? That's on her.

I mean... yeah... I get where you are coming from, AS, and at some point you need to be able to have that "WTF, forget that cheating liar and her scuzzbag AP... I'm the man!" attitude, but, at the same time, I completely sympathize with the way P feels right now. I was in the exact same place, and i don't even live in a small community (far from it-- MAJOR metro area). It's natural, as a man, to feel ashamed that another man has "taken" your woman... it's a territorial thing... I'd question the masculinity of a man who DIDN'T feel that way, at least initially. Which is why it is so vitally important to do things to build yourself back up... improve yourself into AMOAFWL... and justifiably be able to say "screw them, I have way too much going on for me to be concerned with those losers and SO many better options out there for someone to spend my time with." In the interim, should you be trying to alter your mindset and "fake it til you make it?" Absolutely... but I completely understand having that humiliated feeling-- I had it too, particularly since the OM in my case WAS most certainly a loser-- my WW "Affaired down", WAY down for her-- and I had to constantly stop myself from dwelling on "I can't believe i lost out to THAT guy". That feeling never went completely away until I actually faced down OM in person and fully realized what a loser he was. (And not suggesting that you do that-- your sitch is different than mine in that i was still actively "fighting for my MR" at that point-- just pointing out that you will likely have a similar "A-ha" moment at some oint in the future, likely as a result of something you do or achieve.)

And I am not intending to imply/say that AS is out of line or accusing you of feeling "wrongly", here... pretty sure he's just pointing out that it is not simply a matter of someone "stealing your W", but also of HER betraying/cheating, and also that he's trying to coach you up and move you towards the right mindset. Just don't feel discouraged if you continue to feel that sting for a while... it will start to fade the more you improve yourself and become the best P that you can be!