Yail - I like your friends position on MLC. I think it fits well with my own views. And I agree with premise of the life satisfaction curve article.
I don't think it matters too much anymore whether he had MLC or he was depressed. It would have been useful to understand at the start because I would have been in a better position to act , but, retrospect is 20/20, right? It is however a means by which I am able to view our last two years with a less bitter eye.
Not much to report. I could be wrong but I don't think he is lurking. I found another document in my recents (a download on right of access) which I don't recognise, and as I had noted in a previous post that my recents list was the give-away, I doubt that, if he had been here, he would have made the same mistake twice.
I am still not in a position to respond to how we move forward and he is not pressuring me to. He wants to leave the decision up to me so he does not have to be the bad guy although I get the impression his preference is for me to stay put. I am balancing out the interests of the children (i.e. staying put) vs the unhealthy nature (for me) of our current set up. It prevents both of us from truly moving on.
I am not actively Db'g. It has been a long time since my thoughts have been clouded by "does this draw us closer together or push us further apart" and the focus is on "is this better/worse for me (and the children)". However, unfortunately, when it comes to the house, what would be better for me (and my healing), is worse for the children. Signal FS the procrastinator !!!
***** I met up with the boy (who I spoke about about this time last year). My first flirtation and a signal to myself that I had gotten my mojo back. We still see each other regularly though the flirtation is long gone. He sometimes messages to catch up and sometimes I do. Sometimes I say yes, sometimes I say no. Ditto for him. But it's nice that we can do that without any expectations. We talk openly with no awkwardness. He tells me about his GF (about 6 months now and really lovely) and I tell him about the kids, or work or H (who he thinks is a w**nker). I miss the excitement and anticipation but I don't think that had to do with him, it was about me. I am happy for him when he tells me of things that are going well, and emphathise when he tells me of things that are not. I wonder if H and I will ever get to that same place. I doubt it. I was never in love with the boy and therefore nothing to grieve (no future hopes and dreams destroyed, no memories of a past burning in his wake).
***** Our nanny just left (she had to pick some stuff up) and we were discussing an incident where she ran into him in a club soon after he MO. He was with a friend who kept insisting that she (and her friend) go back to my H's flat for the evening. Phrases like "Go on, you know you want to f*** him". She found it all very uncomfortable and said H did as well. She had told me about this before, but I had assumed my H was out with a friend who I did not get on with (the one that was encouraging him to leave me). It was someone I too considered a friend. It was him I spoke to after BD who told me I needed to stand back and let it play out, to give H his space and see where it went. I remember running into him about 6 months after H MO and telling him I was glad H had him in his life. I feel a fool.
The other thing that has upset me about this is this was 1 month after he MO, it was in our home town and with someone H knows I speak to. If he could behave like this under those circumstances, what was he doing elsewhere? I know it doesn't matter, whats done is done, but I am annoyed ANYWAY.
I need to go back to the beginning of this post and reflect on 'understanding' and 'kindness'. But really, f*****g one month after MO he is acting like a drunken desperate teenage boy.
