I received the DR book yesterday. I have started reading it. Are there any quick wins (I am a slow reader)?
No, read it cover to cover and then read it again. Pay attention to Sandi's rules in particular, they are your template on lovingly detaching. Time is on your side, I realize you probably think you need to do something, anything and do it fast but this is a MARATHON.
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I know MC has mixed reviews on here but we spoke about this last night and she is keen to book this is asap, I don't know if is this a good thing or a bad thing.
It's definitely a bad thing. It is her way to escalate separation/ divorce using a 3rd party "professional" as a shield. Here is how it will play out:
C- so can anything be done to save this? You- YES I am willing to do anything! C- Great, what about you? W- No, I'm done, it's over and I want him to know and accept it. C- Aaaah, well it sounds like perhaps a trial separation would be a good idea so the two of you can think about things. W- YES YES YES how soon can we do this? When can he move out?
Look at the timeline in my signature. I've been here a while. I've seen ^^^this^^^ happen more times than I can count, including in my own sitch.
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I just want to make sure we have the right counseller, as I said she doesn't want to fix it (says she doesn't love me in that way anymore) but I do.
So you want to force what you want on her? THAT NEEDS TO STOP RIGHT AWAY. How much do you love her? Enough to give her what she wants? Enough to let her go? Enough to put her needs ahead of yours? YOU want to save the M. SHE DOES NOT. You need to set your wants aside and start respecting hers. Why? Because if you don't fight her on this then she'll stop seeing you as the pressuring, manipulating, controlling bad guy that she desperately needs out of her life. And THAT is what it will take to possibly change her mind about you and about the M.
