IDK how things are going right now. He never talked to my friend - he blew her off. I didn't contact him 2 weekends ago when he was in town for work. Middle of last week I asked if he wanted to still go to event on Saturday. He replied that he wasn't sure - he said he wants to go, but has turbulent feelings about me and is trying to work through them and it's very hard. I said ok, thank you for telling me that.
Saturday I call him and he answers - I'd woken him up. He didn't realize the event was midday, and was at his place 4 hours away, so wasn't going to make it. He hadn't fully decided yet anyhow. We chat and caught up normally for like an hour - totally jovial. He did say some insane comment about wanting to apply for a job in another state, but I am not reading in to this b/c he would sometimes say that when things were fine as just a temporary career move. He did talk some about predeployment, and instead of detailing his entire life plan without me like he has before, he just said a lot of things are up in the air. We hang up, I end up calling back later in the day and saying IDK how much I should tell him about how I feel, b/c I don't want to come off manipulative, but then is it manipulative to hold it back? We have an open discussion. He brings up Myers Briggs, remembered what mine was, said he'd researched his and mine together, etc. I thought this was interesting - he's at least trying to understand me? IDK. He then got mad later in the convo when he perceived that I was diminishing what I'd done to him - I wasn't, it was a sort of adjacent topic, but I validated. Went to event. I don't remember why I had to call him afterwards but he immediately wanted to know who I went with b/c I'd mentioned picking up someone earlier. I went with a girlfriend, but he'd seemed nervous?
Sunday I tried to call, he sent it to VM and texted saying he was still upset about the day before but could text. I said I'd wanted to talk about something. He said he was v nervous to talk, I asked why, he said because he didn't want to be hurt again b/c it's terrifying. I validated and said OK. Sunday night I decided to send him a letter I'd written as on of my exercises about emotional abuse - saying I hadn't sent it, and assumed he wouldn't talk to me again after he read it. It was a letter I'd written about taking responsibility for each detailed action, validating how he felt, and then what I was doing about it. IDK if he read it. No contact and I wanted to leave him alone. I thought because of his reaction on Saturday thinking I was diminishing things that maybe that's what he needed to see? IDK.
Today he texted me saying we need to see what's up about taxes. I said not sure what you mean. He said we need to see if we want to file jointly or separately (I usually do our taxes and see which one makes more financial sense). He said if separately, he needs to know some things about it, and that he did a mock up of his and he owes. This was the weirdest thing he could have texted me. I am the financial person in our relationship, I'd just sent a heartfelt email, and I get texted about taxes, full of the word WE? Irrational me wanted to say oh are we making joint decisions now? Since when? There are 100 reasons I can imagine why he would have texted this - it's not like him to GAF about taxes, especially this early - also why would I make a joint financial decision with you? I did eventually reply and said I am still waiting on forms (which is true).
