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Just yesterday to finish what I thought was a great conversation by email she reminded me how on the 4th of Feb we are supposed to confirm the separation agreement in front of the judge. I calmly answered, "thanks for reminding me W, I wish you a nice day". She always brings that statement or attitude that reads "our marriage is dead" in big capital letters.


Until things are determined in the separation, visitation with kids, etc., your emails should only be about scheduling for the children. Having a great conversation through email, may need to be placed on hold until later. Your W is too angry. She wants to lash out, and every time you attempt to extend the email into further conversation......it is going to trigger a negative emotion in her. It's as if she is on high alert status.......so you need to keep the emails short and simple.

The relationship between your mother and your wife is not good. I suspect that's why your W doesn't want to give your parents visitation time. The way I see grandparents having visitation time with the children (when there is bitterness with the WAS) should be figured into the total days/time for the spouse. In other words, let's just say that your W gets 182 days a year with the children, and you get the same amount of days. Your in-laws ability to see their grandchildren should be left up to your W, b/c their time would come out her 182 days. The same would apply for your 182 days. It should not be left up to your W as to how often the kids see your parents. She should not feel that she has to sacrifice any of her child time, in order to give your parents visitation. When you bring grandparents visitation into the middle of a messy separation......it only muddies the waters. When you have the kids, then you decide who gets to see them, and when it's on her time, she has the same right to choose who sees them.

You said your mother insulted your W. Did your mother express the insult to your W, or was she expressing it in your presence? If you become upset at your mother b/c she made an insulting comment about your W to you, it's b/c you still love your W. But your mother is not in love with your W. She sees your W hurting you, her son. The best way to handle this type of thing is to ask your mother to withhold her words b/c it is too upsetting for you. BTW

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!