Working through recon. Life is full of mountains

[SteveLW]

Update time,

It has been over two years since my wife and I reconned. We are doing good. We communicate and talk things out a lot better now. She calls me all the time and tells me everything, I have become more patient, before BD her calling me so much would annoy me. Now, I take my time and listen. I won't say we don't have our spats, but they don't just tear up our relationship.

I still have my tiggering moments, but they are really rare.

Sometimes, I do go down a revengeful thought process, but I have found ways to bring me back into reality.

My wife and I have some really happy and fun moments. We are working hard to raise 4 confident, responsible, and loving boys.

There's no timeframe on healing, after two years there's still a lot of work to do.

Onward and Forward

Joejoe

Joejoe, great to hear. I am in pretty much the same boat as you. Our timelines were very similar, with relatively quick turnarounds. Reading your previous update again it dawned on me that the one that we both did a fairly good job of was giving the time and space. I think think this is something LBSs struggle with, but if they could do it well would turn their sitches around quicker. Not in all cases, but the constant failing at DBing and going back to pressuring and pursuing is what really drags things out a lot of the time.

I'd have to go back and read your sitch, but my guess is that you discovered DBing fairly early. I think my turnaround was fairly short because I remembered DBing from my previous sitch 2 days after BD. The effects of starting to put into practice GAL, 180s, and detaching almost immediately is what resulted in my sitch turning around so fast.

By time many LBSs come here they've already made weeks, or months of mistakes. LBSs reading this, notice that the quicker you get to giving her time and space, GAL, 180ing and detaching the quicker you may see a turnaround. Again, there are no guarantees, but the chances greatly improve the better you DB.